A New Journey

As I mentioned in my last post, which was a month ago, I was getting in touch with a center regarding my emotional eating. Even though I am stable at a "healthy" weight I am far from healthy.
I really thought this was something I could do on my own; but I just wasn't ready. I haven't weighed myself in a month because I am working on things that are so much more important to me than that number is right now. On a positive note my running group is back in action and we are training for a half marathon! I am very excited by the prospect of completing something that I have wanted to do for so long.
My emotional eating really started taking a toll on me lately so I decided it was time I talked to a professional. At this point in my journey I am  working on the issues I have with food and why that is where I go to comfort or medicate myself. Why I am so willing to fight for everyone else in my family's health, both mental and physical but not my own.  As I have said before we are just works in progress. Once we progress through this part of my journey then we will work on the nutrition piece.
I am grateful for all of the support that my cyber friends have given me and I am so grateful that God gives us what we need when we need it.

2011

Happy 2011! With the new year and a new decade comes resolution. A resolution is a resolve or determination. I am determined to be a better person. I am determined to truly work on me as a whole human being. I know I started a lot of this work in September but I am long from being done.
I have struggled a little by way of mindful eating, etc this past month. Although I do feel that I recognize so much more when I am not being kind to myself or healthy with my body so much more than I ever did. So I am determined to work on that.
I have been able to maintain my weight. I still have weight to lose. This week I am scheduling an appointment with a center that works on nutrition and emotional eating issues. I am looking forward to seeing where this takes me.
Happy and Healthy 2011 ahead for us all!

"Whatever"

I didn't post on Tuesday but I did weigh in and I lost .5 pound. So while I'm down from my gain I am still higher than I was 2 weeks ago. And with that I breath a heavy sigh and say whatever. Why? Because I have yet another cold. This is my third one in a little more than a month. So my journey to be fit has pointed out to me that I am not healthy. There is no way a healthy person gets this many colds. Now I know that I need to improve my nutrition and come January I will be seeing a nutritionist. I also know my life is not typical and I have a lot of stress and responsibility and sometimes that causes me to burn the candle at both ends. All of these are ways to compromise my immune system. My goal for the next 3 weeks of this are get through Christmas (which means I do need to actually shop & wrap still), exercise when I can and be mindful of what I eat.
Come January my one year plan which will still have 8 months left will be kicking into higher gear. I will take better care of me. I have no choice.

Respect

This week has been a long one. There has been some stress and I know next week is going to be even longer. During these stressful times I have not been kind to myself. I know the basics, respect food respect myself. Sometimes its easier to throw that away and give up. I'm still working on why its okay to be unkind to myself and disrespect myself. I am working on why that it is easier for me to give up.
I am sure I will see another gain tomorrow. I however am going to go back to basics and be kind to myself.

Holidays

I gained 1.5 this week. I knew that would be a possibility. I really felt I managed to maintain control on Thanksgiving. We had the opportunity to have two turkey dinners. I usually sit at the second one and perhaps not have a whole dinner but pick at my favorites. (Stuffing!) This year I didn't even sit at the table at the second house; don't worry no one thought I was rude there wasn't even a place set for me anyway. I had a small piece of a light dessert that I made and brought with me. Control. I was proud. Saturday night was another story. We had a mini high school reunion of sorts. My husband and I hosted a small party of high school friends and their spouses and kids. I realized that I can maintain control and not pick or nibble or drink when I am at a party. As an anxious host it all went out the window. I had wine, pizza, lasagna, and toll house pie. Each of that would have been fine but all in one night?! Not me, not anymore. I also didn't get in as much exercise due to the holiday and some other things that kept me busy last week.
These are all things to keep in mind the next month while "the Holidays" are even more busy. I know a 1.5 gain isn't tremendous and at this time of year it can be expected. To me though if I start making excuses now it because a gain each week and I am back to where I started. Unfortunately I know this from experience. I am not going to be making excuses. Instead I'm making plans to go running this morning.

Unexpected

I've lost another 3 this week. I really am surprised by that number. I am most pleased by how I have been able to stick to my "respect food" goal. We were celebrating my niece's birthday and I wasn't hungry so I didn't have cake. I did take a lick of icing. It amazes me how strong the sugar flavor was and how I didn't care for it. I cut my daily sugar out of my coffee a while back and my sweet snacks have been made with more natural ingredients. I am really trying to make this a change in mind along with body and I think its working.
A friend of mine, who is also on a similar journey, and I were talking about our fears getting through the holidays. I plan on taking it one day at a time. I know as far as Thanksgiving goes I will eat the foods I like, in moderation. I am also preparing a chocolate tart from a cooking light recipe. This way I know exactly what is in my dessert and how many calories it has. I know if I can get through the next month I've made the necessary changes to change my life.

Double

It is Tuesday, which means I get up and hop on the scale. I lost another pound which brings me to the -10 mark! That being said I know this last 10-12 will be so hard. I want it to be hard because I feel when its too easy it comes back too easily. I am truly looking for a lifestyle change. I am making great strides to do that. I am proud of what I have done so far and looking forward to the future.
I ran my 5 mile race this weekend. I kicked butt! There has been some dispute by some race goers about the actual distance not being 5 miles. It doesn't matter how far I ran I know my pace throughout the race and its my fastest ever. I also ran a similar course the full five miles a few days before the race and it was fast too. I'm hoping this is enough to keep me motivated to keep running. My hip muscle problem is acting up again. I don't really think it is from the running though. I have been running the same since my pt ended in August. The only thing that changed since that time is also something that I was doing the last time I had this issue is spinning. I love spinning, it is just as addictive as running. I am going to take some time off this week and work on my stretching and muscle strengthening and then ease back into running next week. I will hold off on the spin bike for now.