After One Month

I officially started this one year plan on September 1. As we end September, 1 month, I figured I would look at how my goals are coming along. I set 7 goals. Let's look at what I am doing well.

• Goal #1 is to get back on a running program. I did. I am running 3 days a week. One of those is with a group of other moms. That was a great decision. Its fun and holds me accountable.
• #3 Incorporate yoga or pilates. This is in the well column because I have done some at home work on this. I went to my first pilates class (mat class) this week. I loved it. I was apprehensive about going, my core strength is pathetic and my large upper body seems to get in the way. The teacher was impressed that I was a first time student and complemented my form. That's all it took~I'll be back. I was self conscious for no reason. 
• #4 Stop emotional eating and respect food. I'm not sure if I will ever be cured of this. Its a one day at a time thing. I have vastly improved. I have talked my self out of the pantry quite a few times lately.  I am starting to look at food as a source of energy. I am reading nutrition labels.
• #6 Blog so I am accountable for my actions. I think that is working very well. Thanks Leigh for always having positive feedback.
• #7 Live in the moment. I think this is like goal # 4 a daily struggle. I am really focused on the now and the anxiety attacks have definitely lessened.

Where I need improvement and I have 11 months to get there:

• Goal #2 do 2 days a week of strength and core training. While Pilates can be considered strength and core I am not doing enough consistently.
• Goal #5 journal about my issues and stress rather than eat. I am becoming more conscious and mindful of my triggers but I still have a lot of it bottled up. Time to pick up the pen.

Its only been one month and I think I am off to a good start. I believe that the first half of this year is creating my new self. I will then spend the second half of the year maintaining that.

Tuesday weigh day

Ok so today is weigh in day. I was a little apprehensive about weighing today. As I mentioned in a post last week I was going to try just entering my food calories (in) as opposed to also including exercise calories (out) to my nutrition tracker. I did that. The reason I was apprehensive was that this weekend was a very busy one. We attended a party Friday night, a college football game Saturday and a party on Sunday. I really tried to pay attention to what I ate instead of mindless nibbling. I tried to pay attention to calories. If my tracker doesn't have a specific food item there are plenty of places on the internet that do. Also, I found a recipe converter as well. Again, I'm not sure how accurate these are but at least they are rough estimates.
I am proud to say I lost 3 pounds this week. (5 total)! I do believe in full disclosure, and I don't want to discount any of the work I've done, I did have a fever last night. I'm not sure if I had sweat out some stuff that may show back up on  the scale next week. I certainly hope not. I do know I worked hard this week. Both in the gym and the kitchen. Another important note, I sampled foods at the parties and even had one glass of wine. I did set calories aside for that. Therefore I tasted things and never felt deprived.

I'll take it

So it is weigh in day. And I'm down another .5 so that is 2 total. I'm good with that. Down is better than up! I had somethings that just kind of came my way yesterday. These were reminders that change needs to be done in small ways. Setting and reaching small goals is so much more attainable than grand ones. One of my goals was to get back to a running program. I'm  doing it and I'm so proud. I have met a bunch of fun ladies. We are all at different levels in our running. We all are bringing different things to this group. It has been great.
The other thing I decided yesterday was that when tracking my calories I'm not going to plug in my workout numbers. I switched to a better app on my iPhone to track my calories. I just feel that the exercise calories out was just providing too much of a cushion. So, I will see this week if keeping my exercise in a separate place makes a difference.
Change for the better is good, no matter how big or small and I'll take it!

What Doesn't Kill You

Yeah you know the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". For me whatever doesn't kill me makes me eat more. Stress is an ugly thing. I know what my anxiety triggers are and I know what my go to items are in stressful times. My life is full of things I can't control. It is amazing to me that I choose to add to that out of control feeling. This weekend was so stressful. I know that with the lack of sleep and the emotional eating, which I did a bit more mindfully than in the past, my body is just out of whack. I am contemplating if it would be worth it for me to get a nutritionist. The thing holding me back is I know what I am supposed to eat and the amount of calories I am to consume if I wish to lose weight. However, if I spend money on it and I have to answer to someone else I am more motivated. That is why the running group is working for me.
I am paying to run with this group of women so we can train for a race together. I know how to train for a race. I have done it plenty of times before. I know that this time I was in a different place mentally and needed the extra level of accountability. I am wondering if hiring a nutritionist would do the same.I am not saying throwing money at a problem will fix it. I know that is not true. I joined the gym and have gone faithfully for a year, haven't lost a pound or an inch. Its what I invest in other ways that will give me the payoff I am looking for.
I fight every day to take care of my daughter's health. I fight every day to let my son know he is valued and loved. Sometimes I am too tired to fight for me. But if I don't who will? It has to be me. I have to choose me. I also have to remind myself this is a year's plan.  I have one year to accomplish this.

Grateful

As I went out for my homework run this morning I remembered how grateful I am for the things I am blessed with. I may not like the choices I made or the circumstances that caused me to feel so out of shape and out of control. But, I have so much more and I am so much more than that.

I am blessed to live in NJ where you can hop in your car and be anywhere in an hour or less. Today my soul was craving the ocean. So I took my morning run on the road to the Atlantic Ocean. I am so grateful to live 30 minutes from  my favorite spot. While running on this particular boardwalk I felt such an energy from the other people. I am grateful that I am back to running. I am grateful to be where I am in my journey.

Keep Moving

Weigh in day: -1lb. That is right I lost a pound! I'll leave it at that.
Total weight loss so far: 1.5 lbs.
I'm happy for the minus sign. I'm not going to fixate on the slow process. I'm going to just KEEP MOVING!!!

I have NEVER regretted working out

Ok friends as we embark on another week, another opportunity to start fresh I wanted to share with you a quote that one of my running coaches posted. It may be something you have heard before but its so true: I have always regretted not working out, but I have NEVER regretted working out.


How many of us make excuses to not work out? Its so easy to not work out. Its so easy to not make good food choices. But you feel guilty afterwards. I know I do. How proud do you feel when you accomplish something? Try to remember that feeling. Its so worth it!!

Mommy runs

Another first for me over here!! I joined a women only running group. It is to prepare for a 5 mile race in November. We meet once a week and there is homework. I need to be held accountable. They take attendance and it is a paid program. So, these are all things that would prevent me from quitting. It was a lot of fun and I felt great!
Still working on the food issues. I'm a work in progress.

Off the beaten path....

WooHoo! I did it again! That is I did something different today. I'm a creature of habit and I hate change. I had to be somewhere today and on my way there was a fabulous park. So, I stopped and did a mile and a half walk. It was wonderful. I got my exercise in and fresh air. I literally went off the beaten path. I found a new place to exercise. It even has outdoor exercise equipment. Not your standard wooden park fare either. Outdoor elliptical machines! Its a great playground for adults. So happy I found something new. Its not exactly close to home; but at least I know its there for when I am in the area. I will be researching if I can find something like this closer to home. I am fortunate enough to have a gym membership. Sometimes it gets a little stale and sometimes I can't make it over there. I am looking for options so I have no more excuses. Stay strong over the weekend my friends that is where most temptations lurks for me.

Accountable

Yesterday was not a good day. I didn't start the day off with exercise and was rushing all over the place so I made some poor choices. Not proud. I know this process is going to be harder than I was willing to admit. I have a lot of work ahead of me when it comes to emotional eating, poor choices and choosing me.
Today I picked myself up dusted myself off and even did something I have never done before. I did not have enough time to exercise right away this morning. I went to the gym late morning. I never do that. If I can't get to it right away I usually make an excuse and move on. Not today! I did it. I got my time in on the elliptical.
I am trying really hard to believe in me. I can't be willing to accept crap from me that I wouldn't accept from my kids. I need to hold me accountable.

Progress

Weigh in day...I lost 1/2 a pound. I am willing to accept its not the best way to start. But it is a loss. And I'm moving on. I know where I made my mistakes I am already off to a good start today.
I ran three miles and I am truly tracking what I put in. I will celebrate that I didn't gain and continue to recommit to this process. I know that I am capable of doing something difficult. I have faced many more serious challenges in my life. I can do hard things.

Rome wasn't built in a day...

As I assumed this weekend did not go as well as I would have liked. I know I am supposed to be in control of myself so I know I have no one to blame but me. I also know "Rome wasn't built in a day". It takes a lot of day to day work for something to become a habit. As I type this all out it certainly sounds like I am great at making excuses.
I am not obese, I am just not at a healthy weight for my height. If I continue with my habits I know I will become obese. But, that is not why I am on this journey. I certainly am not thrilled with the way I look in photos. I know the health risks if I continue eating the way I do. I am on this journey though because I use food as a drug.  Its a hard habit to break. So, perhaps with parties and barbecues and the mixture of some of my key stressors or triggers was too much to tackle my first week out. I guess we will see what the scale says tomorrow.
I will say this while I didn't stick to my plan yesterday and today. I was at least conscious of the choices I was making. I did nibble away at the chex mix. I did eat the icing off my son's slice of cake after i ate my own slice. I was aware that at those moments I wasn't hungry. Just looking to taste something. To shut out the environment & people in the environment and just munch away. So, in a way that is progress.
I will begin anew in the morning tap & track and exercise.

Mindful

So today is day 4. Even though today was not a run day on my program I did run. I am anticipating running into some time issues tomorrow morning as my 15 year old and I have to be out of the house for an event by 6:30. I figured I needed to get the 2 miles in and at least this way I know I did. If I find time tomorrow morning I can still do something without neglecting my miles. Proud of myself for that!
The issue that keeps coming to mind for me today is mindful eating. One of my biggest struggles is eating without thinking and binge (stress) eating. I am not bulimic. I have never binged and purged. But, yes I have certainly binged. I know my triggers and am working on working through the feelings rather than numbing them. Its a difficult one day at a time process. But, I am working. Today's issue is a little different though. I am going out to dinner tonight and then we have barbecues and events the next two days. I like to use my tap and track app on my iPhone. Its hard to find a lot of what non chain restaurants serve. I just have to go in with some guidelines and not eat the whole plate. Then there is tomorrow and Monday. BBQ and parties. I have to really work on being mindful. I don't need the potato chips I just eat them because they are there. I have to stay present. That is hard to do. I just have to remember to keep my goals in mind and keep the potato chips out of my mouth.

Day 3

Day 3: I ran 3 miles on the treadmill today. Friday is my "long" day in my training program. I am very excited by this because it is the longest run I have done since March. (granted it was on a treadmill). My iliac crest is a little sore. But not as bad as it was during my rehab. I know I have to do a lot more stretching before my long runs. I also know I have not been as good about keeping up my strength training for my left hip as I should be. One more thing to try to squeeze in for me. It is all about time management. I have to make time for me.
I sense a running theme here.

Balance

Day 2: Because of various commitments I couldn't squeeze in a workout this morning as originally planned. I am hoping to be able to do something tonight. That is after I clean the bathrooms, drive my daughter to babysit, and get a load of laundry in. Right here is one of the reasons I have gained weight this year as opposed to having lost weight. I don't fit me in.
I did really try to pay attention to my calories today, knowing a workout was not 100% guaranteed. Being that it has been a stressful day I have the urge to eat away the stress. I have not caved. Deep breathing has helped. Also, I continue to tell myself if it is something I wouldn't allow my children to do I should not do it either. I would never let them eat a whole sleeve of oreos.
I have to be good to me.

Day 1. I'm off to the gym. Today is a cross train day for my program. I'm going to use the elliptical. I'm also using the tap & track app I'm not thrilled. I guess if it's accurate it's good enough.
What are you doing?